I want to make a zoo with you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize