people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
