why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
