ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So many bounce houses so little time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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