Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
