he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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