I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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