i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
