Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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