There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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