He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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