i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
