I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
