i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
