You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
