dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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