I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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