I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
