She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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