i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
love makes seman taste better
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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