The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
