Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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