I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
