So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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