this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
