Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
