We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
