im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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