There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
