You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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