I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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