with your own penis?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
