she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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