direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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