I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
