Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
