I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
