we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
