um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize