the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
