last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
