I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
