umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
