absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
