Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
