i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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