I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
