I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
