i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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