i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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