that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
