so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
