You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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