Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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