sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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