He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
