A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize