Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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