Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
