my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
