are you so shy because you have an std?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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