yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
