We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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