it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
