I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
