the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
