if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We need to get me chipped asap
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
