go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
