Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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