just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
