It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
