she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
