Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
