with your own penis?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
