I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
