i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just threw up on my dentist
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize