my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
