I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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