billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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