Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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