Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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