You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
