considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
