On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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