If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize