I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am naked and annoyed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
