so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
