I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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