it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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