and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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