It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
