True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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