I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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