I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
