I wish i was in the wii world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
