Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
