If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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