i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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