You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
