I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
