I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
