Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize