At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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