just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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