how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
